Kevin "Silent Bob" Smith shares a hiarious anecdote about his experiences working on the aborted Superman Lives project that was supposed to be directed by Tim Burton and star Nicolas Cage in the title role. (Medyo mahaba ito)

Incidentally, Jon Peters is still attached as the producer for the upcoming Superman Returns. I wonder if they will still be using his earlier ideas.

SOUTH PARK vs. TOM CRUISE & THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY

It's on!!!

After Isaac Hayes (the voice of Chef) recently quit the show over last November's episode that poked fun at Scientology (of which he is a follower), fellow Scientologist Tom Cruise (who was a target of that particular episode) successfully had a re-run of the episode pulled after he threatened a boycott in promoting his upcoming film Mission: Impossible 3 (Comedy Central, which airs the show; and Paramount Pictures, which produced Cruise's film; are owned by the same company). In retaliation, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the brilliant minds behind this twisted animated satire (which will begin its 10th season next week); gave this dignified statement:

"So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!"

--- Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu

To learn more about Scientology, go to this link here. And to watch the controversial episode for free, go here (Flash required, it also takes time to load depending on the length and connection). Don't worry about the ramifications, Trey and Matt don't give a damn about "illegal" downloading (as illustrated in that classic episode where Cartman becomes a Christian rock artist).

It's been a week since the Oscars and I'm still shocked by the sudden Best Picture win of Crash over Brokeback Mountain. Good Night, and Good Luck and Munich were also far better than Crash. I also find the Avenue Q song "Everyone's A Little Bit Racist" to present a clearer and better anti-racism message than that film. People (including yours truly) have been complaining lately about the predictability of the winners, but they should know to be careful of what they wish for.

Jon Stewart was hilarious throughout the show (you can check the opening here) and I think the critics are pretty unfair about his performance (same even goes to last year's host Chris Rock). Hope he comes back for seconds.

I'm not normally a fan of M. Night Shyamalan, but this American Express commercial he did during the Oscars is probably the best work he's ever did.

How I scored with my predictions:

Best Picture

Will win: Brokeback Mountain
Should win: Munich
Honorary mention: Good Night, and Good Luck
(THE WINNER: Crash)

Best Actor

Will win: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
Should win: Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line
Honorary mention: David Strathairn, Good Night, and Good Luck

Best Actress

Will/should win: Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line

Best Supporting Actor

Will win: Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
Should win: Jake Gyllenhaal, Brokeback Mountain
Honorary mention: George Clooney, Syriana

Best Supporting Actress

Will/should win: Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
Honorary mention: Amy Adams, Junebug

Best Director

Will win: Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
Should win: George Clooney, Good Night, and Good Luck
Honorary mention: Steven Spielberg, Munich

Best Original Screenplay

Will win: Crash
Should win: Good Night, and Good Luck

Best Adapted Screenplay

Will win: Brokeback Mountain
Should win: Munich

Best Animated Feature

Will win: Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
Should win: Howl's Moving Castle
Honorary mention: Corpse Bride

Best Cinematography

Will win: Brokeback Mountain
Should win: Good Night, and Good Luck
(THE WINNER: Memoirs of a Geisha)

Best Film Editing

Will win: Crash
Should win: Munich
Honorary mention: Walk the Line

Best Art Direction

Will win: Memoirs of a Geisha
Should win: King Kong
Honorary mention: Good Night, and Good Luck

Best Costume Design

Will/should win: Memoirs of a Geisha

Best Original Score

Will win: Gustavo Santaolalla, Brokeback Mountain
Should win: John Williams, Munich

Best Original Song

Will/should win: "Travelin' Thru", Transamerica
(THE WINNER: "It's Hard Out There For A Pimp", Hustle & Flow)

Best Makeup

Will/should win: Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith
Honorary mention: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

Best Sound Mixing

Will win: King Kong
Should win: War of the Worlds
Honorary mention: Walk the Line

Best Sound Editing

Will win: King Kong
Should win: War of the Worlds

Best Visual Effects

Will/should win: King Kong
Honorary mention: War of the Worlds

Best Foreign Language Film

Will win: Paradise Now, Palestine
Should win: Tsotsi, South Africa

Best Documentary Feature

Will win: March of the Penguins
Should win: Murderball

Natalie Portman, Oscar nominated and Harvard educated actress, lets it all out gangsta style!

---

Funny excerpt from a book by this year's Oscar host Jon Stewart ("Naked Pictures of Famous People", p.99-105) :

The Recipe

The following recipe comfortably serves three to four thousand with room for a television viewing audience. For smaller events cut the production number and halve the presenters.

START WITH:

ONE VIBRANT, ELABORATELY COSTUMED DANCE NUMBER SET TO A MEDLEY OF POPULAR HITS. AS MUSIC SWELLS TO A CRESCENDO BRING THE DANCING TO AN ABRUPT CLIMAX. END MUSIC. ADD AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AND BOOMING INTRODUCTION OF THE WELL-RESPECTED, ACERBIC HOST. PLAY HOST'S SIGNATURE THEME SONG. CONTINUE APPLAUSE. CROSS HOST TO PODIUM. END MUSIC AND APPLAUSE.

HOST: General greetings and a query as to the audience's well-being. Affirmation of audience's well-being. Statement of own well-being. Survey of surroundings. Improvised analogy comparing surroundings to different surroundings. Sarcastic jab at expected length of proceedings.

PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER.

HOST: Confusion about actions of government officials. Statement of proposed personal action if given opportunity to govern.

PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER. IF LAUGHTER IS NOT FORTHCOMING:

HOST: Recognition of power and ability among audience. Statement of fear over possible consequences failure to entertain said powers would entail.

IF LAUGHTER IS FORTHCOMING:

HOST: Query as to audience's familiarity with behavior of recently disgraced cultural icon. Incredulity and displeasure at said behavior. Command for icon to discontinue behavior. Statement of new product created as a result of icon's behavior.

PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER.

HOST: Praise of audience for responsiveness and sense of humor. Query as to their readiness for program's continuation. Introduction of two participants who will begin process of bestowing honors: an unattractive, humorous male renowned for his portrayal of other unattractive, humorous males, and a female of great physical beauty who has achieved fame for her skill in walking while wearing newly designed expensive clothing.

ADD MUSIC AND APPLAUSE AS HOST LEAVES STAGE. BRING HUMOROUS MAN AND BEAUTIFUL WOMAN TO PODIUM. STOP APPLAUSE AND MUSIC.

MAN: (To woman) Compliment concerning sexual attractiveness.

WOMAN: (Stilted, as though reading aloud) Acceptance and return of compliment.

MAN: Lurid sexual innuendo. Winking proposition with broad physical gesturing.

WOMAN: (Stilted, as though reading aloud) Unusually intelligent rebuke of said proposition.

MAN: Surprise at intelligence of rebuke. Feigned lack of disappointment at rebuke. Conceited statement of missed sexual opportunity for the woman, again with broad physical gesturing.

PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER AMONG AUDIENCE AND PRESENTERS.

WOMAN: Query as to the identity of author of previously read statements and indictment of their ability. List of possible honorees.

STAND MAN AND WOMAN ASIDE. SHOW EACH POSSIBLE HONOREE PERFORMING THE TASK FOR WHICH THEY ARE TO BE HONORED. SHOW ALL PRESENT POSSIBLE HONOREES IN THE AUDIENCE WAITING FOR THE RESULT OF THEIR EFFORT.

MAN: (Opening a sealed correspondence) Announcement of the one true honoree.

GREAT REJOICING AMONG THE BELIEVERS IN THE VERDICT. REFLECTION AND BITTER QUESTIONING AMONG THE OTHERS. BRING THE HONORED ONE TO THE STAGE TO BE LAUDED. A FEMALE OF SURGICALLY ENHANCED SEXUAL ATTRACTIVENESS HANDS A TOTEM OF ACHIEVEMENT TO THE HONOREE, WHO GRASPS IT WITH GREAT REVERENCE. AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

HONOREE: Breathless surprise. Self-effacing remark concerning previous outcomes of similar events. Feigned lack of preparation. Expression of gratitude for inventors of the totem as well as constituents of totem. Expression of gratitude for believers in verdict. Expression of gratitude for members of blood lineage and Supreme Exalted Being. Expression of gratitude for creators of shown task. Expression of regret concerning those who have not received expressions of gratitude. Statement of nonharmful intent for those who have not received gratitude. Plea for group subjected to persecution to no longer be subject to said persecution.

SWELL MUSIC.

HONOREE: Regret at musical interruption and self-criticism at lack of organizational and communication skills. Sudden remembrance of those still in need of expressions of gratitude.

DIM MUSIC SLIGHTLY.

HONOREE: Fear of further recrimination if closing remarks are not forthcoming. Hurried expression of love for those present, viewing or being.

SWELL MUSIC. AUDIENCE APPLAUSE. HONOREE IS ESCORTED AWAY BY PRESENTERS WHILE DISPLAYING TOTEM TO THE AUDIENCE. HOST APPEARS.

HOST: Perceptive remark concerning unexpected length and emotional tenor of honoree's presentation. Example of previous presentation famous for such characteristics.

PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER.

HOST: Introduction of corpulent woman, well known for recognizing and satirizing her physical condition, and an adolescent known for contracting a fatal illness.

REPEAT AS NECESSARY.

Editor's note: This ancient recipe was found in 1982 by archeologists on a Peruvian dig, outside the fabled Mayan city of Atachupulay...ay. It is but one of the many startling discoveries included in a new work by Erich Van Daniken entitled Weird, Huh? continuing his exhaustive efforts to prove the existence of alien visitations. This recipe, translated from its original Mayan glyph in 1985 by a really smart lady, was printed on parchment that dates back four thousand years. The parchment is made from the intestines of rare Andes mountain goats and although it was not dated scientifically, the feeling within the scientific community was, you had to be very primitive to still be writing on the guts and shit inside of a goat. Originally thought to be a recipe for using the rest of the goat, it soon turned out to be a more important find. The recipe details all the necessary ingredients of a successful entertainment industry awards show -- a full three to four thousand years before the existence of entertainment! Could the Mayans, a tribe that had only barely mastered the use of a sundial, have predicted this phenomenon... or did visitors arrive from the heavens bearing knowledge of an advanced civilization? Perhaps the truth will never be known.